This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
