I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
