so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
