dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
That accounts for only three of the penises
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
