I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
