She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
did i walk over a car last night?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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