You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
