so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
