i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
