I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
