You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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