Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
