Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
