kristin has been a bad kristin
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
