I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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