I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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