I just saw a hot homeless man
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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