my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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