my soul wont recognize me after tonight
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my being single is dangerous.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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