I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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