The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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