grandma shit on top of the toilet
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
