I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
