Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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