we're blogging at a bar
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
