ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
