Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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