If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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