Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
