I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
