So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
