I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
