Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
