Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
