dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
