i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to make out with him forever
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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