I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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