And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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