just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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