I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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