I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
