just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
