This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
