I'm so fucking centered right now
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How external is "for external use only"?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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