But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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