There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
