Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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