Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
