I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
