i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
