i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I deserve this hangover.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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