you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize